So...

I'm coming to realize I'm a rather closed off person.

This didn't come as much of a surprise to me, but it's something I would like to change a bit, or at least try to get better at not being. Yeah, that's proper English.

I think my problem is that I either talk to much or not at all. Or, sometimes, too much about things that don't matter or mean much at all. I was very taciturn in high school and such, but I became more talkative once I realized most people are as scare of you as you are of them. I still prefer to be the quiet type though; to listen, observe, think, and add my two cents here and there. I guess you could say I'm a bit of a penny-pincher when it comes to conversations. But it's because words are valuable to me.

I'm fine with small talk among peers and acquaintances, but when I'm with a good friend or two, ones that I can trust, nearly all those formalities go out the window. I still put a great value on my words, but I'm not so worried about them so I don't meticulously craft each sentence. I just talk, they talk back, we banter and have a good time. I honestly love to talk, but sometimes, that is my undoing.

The traits I would like to develop are that of a more open individual who is less inclined to talk about everything except what matters, and hopefully this blog will help with that. I have this terrible habit of avoiding serious conversations when they should be addressed. I think I enjoy my fun conversations too much and don't want to disrupt the cheerful mood. I think problems through on my own - probably too much - but then I don't feel like I need to talk them out with whomever they relate to. I know. It's really silly. I just bottle things up and digest them. It works for me, but I'm sure it doesn't help the other persons involved.

I think the key is trust. For some reason, my trust is hard to earn. I have no idea why; I have no reason to have any trust issues or the like. It just takes a long time or some grand gesture of (not necessarily romantic) sorts for me to trust someone. It's probably an introvert thing I've carried over with me from high school; I have few close friends, but their quality makes up for the small quantity.

It's either trust or general comfortableness (ha, spellcheck totally says that is a word; ironically, it says 'spellcheck' is not a word). There are a certain lucky few - well, lucky is one word for it - whose personalities I just click with. I don't know why I get along better with some people more than others, but it usually doesn't take long for me to feel comfortable enough around them to be myself.

So. Here's my blip of a blog. I'm mostly just going to try to be more open and just talk on here. Apparently I'm giving you, reader, some trust. Or maybe I'm just comfortable writing to some invisible audience. Or maybe just myself.

Maybe just for myself.


Anyway, writing really helps me think things through, or at least just vent frustration, so I've decided to release my ramblings to the public. Maybe some of you will be able to relate, or will at least be entertained. I've had blogs before as a sort of creative outlet, and I'm assuming this one will, one way or another, turn into that sort of thing. But I'll try to keep it full of thoughts, opinions, and babbling; as a good blog should be.

So buckle up, buttercup. 
It's going to be an interesting ride.

But I would be delighted if you'd join me.